Learning to walk again.
I believe I waited long enough.
Where do I begin?
– Foo Fighters, Walk
To whom it may concern:
My dream had always been to become a novelist. I became a journalist because it seemed like the best primer for it. With THIS WAY LIES MAYHEM the dream of being a novelist seemed to manifest itself in 2013 – even though I first had to convince myself that selfpublishing was indeed a valid way to go about it and not just a vanity thing (I had watched, rooted for and supported independent musicians for years at that point, but it took a while to accept myself as an independent author). Then something went wrong.
In trying to make MAYHEM a commercial success without being able to throw money at the situation, I kind of lost my way, trying to do what others told me I ought to do. I had the best intentions, but everything that was supposed to help my “career” only moved me further away from what I wanted to do – the actual writing. I busied myself with a number of projects designed to build a platform for myself, grow an interested audience, get a following … that kind of thing. Truth be told, had it worked, I wouldn’t be writing these lines right now. But it didn’t work to the extend I had hoped it would. And, at the same time, it kept me from doing what I actually wanted to do. Add some unexpected, nasty pitfalls life had in store for me and suddenly I find myself in a situation that is pretty much the polar opposite of where I want to be, where I should be.
Probably should do something about it then, McGenius …
So I recently hit the reboot button (more precisely: I’m still hammering on it repeatedly). In the past couple of weeks, I have already changed a whole lot in my personal life. Some of it complicated. Some of it painful. Some still ongoing. All of it meant to achieve a much-needed reset. Killing some projects I got tangled up in (in the attempt to “put myself out there”) is part of the process. As was revamping this website. Gone is the clutter. Gone are the attempts to chase an audience. Now this website is just a place to showcase my own stuff – the book(s), the artworks I create as a way to clear my head, and the occasional blog post (for music, there is still this). You’re welcome to check it out. You’re welcome to share it. And, of course, you’re just as welcome to ignore it if you don’t dig it. If that means I’m doing things the wrong way, I’ll happily do it wrong from here on out. At least it’ll give me more time to write again. And with four novels waiting to be finished, this move hasn’t come a moment to soon.